Thursday, December 11, 2008

it is getting better

first eid mubarak. it has been long time i didnt write, but really it took me time to settle down in this new country.
very luckily, i found a job, a miracle for an expat woman in saudi. i started last week, beginning of dec. my office is like a prison: a female office should not be in the middle of male offices in saudi, it should have a different entrance than those of males, it should not have any window looking outside, so that no one sees us,
i am alone in the office, the only female working there, among some 800 employees.
I have to be veiled and wearing the traditional abaya.
my colleagues are nice so far, butt some looking at me in a weird way. may be it is the first time they see a female working.

i am so happy to be back to work, but working in a prison is killing me.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

in jeddah

we have moved. it was so hectic. packing, unpacking, saying goodbyes, throwing stuff u may not need ( i am a person who loves keeping everything. )... Now in jeddah, in a new home, new country, new lifestyle.
My first experience is not encouraging. During Ramadan, the stores open at 1 to 3:30, and then open at 9:30 p.m till 2 a.m. ( only the supermarkets open from 10 to 3, then 9:30 to 2).
So if you need to buy stuff from market ( I need plenty, i have just moved in), you cant go in one date and get it.
and since i have a baby, i cant go out at night, so i am limited to 2.30 hours a day.

and i cant drive, so you need to book the driver in advance.

God told us in the quraan that work is 3ibada ( worship) and that if we need to work, it has be done properly. so how do they think here?

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

leaving dubai

The breaking news has been announced and he told me that he got the golden opportunity at work, but this has to be based in Saudi. It was a shock for me, but a positive one. I am so happy for him to get this promotion, but we will leave dubai to saudi. Oh oh.
In general, i am the kind of person that i can adapt to different situations, but the idea of being " not free" is not acceptable for me. I hate asking drivers to take me to this place or that one. but the biggest question to me is whether this will definitely kill my career. It all depends on the daycare of my baby there.
I am so bored being at home, so angry from not progressing in a career that i quickly started leaning and building and growing in it. But yes my daughter is a priority.
Now i feel that i love every street and corner of Dubai ( i always say that it is so artificial and not a place to live in.. ) it is weird how someone can have many feelings towards the same thing.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

I dont know what exactly shall i choose the title of this subject. I have heard so much about the turkish series Noor and about the romantic Mohannad. Yesterday was the first time to watch it. Although he is fighting with his wife, but his and her looks on each other are full of love.

It has affected me, as i am still living this "side to side" life. No affection at all. we dont fight, we talk everything to each other. I dont doubt at all that he loves someone else. But i have totally lost the feeling of being his lover.

Our marriage has been a love marriage, and this love was always growing and growing. Few days after tha birth of our baby, we discovered a new love to each other. But then everything has disappear.

Our days are just passing, and I really miss him, the old him.
I just cant stop crying now.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Dealing with In Laws

the never ending debate: how can someone deal with in laws, without problems, without hassle. I have never faced the issue in my 7 yr of marriage, until very recently, when i came to stay with them for 2 months in beirut, with my daughter.
All the problems started with my daughter. I am a very " by the book" oriented mom, but i understood that some rules have to be broken when in laws are there. no more sleep at 8, but rather 9:30 , 10 p.m. and definitely it is me who has to suffer and run after her and they are watching.
last week, my mother in law wanted to give my daughter a chocolate at 10 p.m. ( giving her more energy ). when i asked her not to give it to her, she insisted. Of course my daughter started crying bc she saw the chocolate and she wanted it. i told her 3 times not to give it to her, then she said with a " high tone": I am gonna give it to her.
I said " this is my daughter and it is my right to decide what to do with her".

Ooooooooopssssssss. what a mistake. " ok i am not gonna touch her after this, i dont want to know her, Cursing my husband bc he is keeping me , and so on and on and on".

Do i have to shut my mouth after hearing all this?
My husband, who is abroad, insisted that i have to apologize, bc she is elder and i have to understand.

Is it fair?

Monday, April 21, 2008

Observation from beirut

Walking in the streets of Beirut , you can't but notice the dominance of girls over males. Everywhere you go you just notice young females around you. why not, and all the statistics are showing that the males migrate as soon as they graduate, mainly to Gulf countries. a friend working in a research company mentioned to me that the ratio of female to male in Lebanon between the age of 24 to 35 is 7 to 1....... Oh.
I can see it clearly. A single female friend told me : How can i find someone to get married to, there are no males...............

Another observation is the clothing of the lebanese. It is known that the lebanese females clothing is so funky and "over".. but it is too much. the temperature didnt reach yet 25 and the girls are sleevless and minis and see throughs... I am wondering if i get to live once again in lebanon, can i prevent my daughter of being more conservative..

Friday, April 11, 2008

traffic lights in beirut

If you have ever visited beirut , you will know what i will be talking about.

Traffic lights, some working some others.

but no one really respect them at all. Even the policemen themselves.

You will find a red traffic, and a policeman managing the traffic by letting them pass ( although the traffic is red)...some other cars not respecting the policeman and going their own way ( illegal U turns, taxis stopping in the middle of the road to pick customers...).

Me, being a person abiding by the law, stopped at every red traffis light. I should not mention about the cars and their horns , but i will tell you uthat one taxi driver stopped and shouted at me and said " na'sni ba3ed... shou a3mli h7alik class ".

Are you laughing or crying? it can be both

a country that doesnt respect itself , no one will respect it... Sorry Lebanon

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Beirut ya Beirut

Hello from beirut
the amazing city... i miss it, miss every corner in it, every street.. the traffic, the noise, the old cars, Rawche rock, the food, ...
I am here now. trying to enjoy

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Bath sponge wins style stakes

No need to spend thousands of Dirhams to be attractive and fashionable. just be creative... read this... i like the idea

In arguably one of the most dramatic wins at the World Cup Style Stakes, a lady won the runner-up award for best dressed lady and $4000 in shopping vouchers just by showing up in a Dh5 worth of bath sponge on her head and an old black dress and managed to trounce those who spent thousands of dirhams just on hats and another fortune on designer dress, fancy footwear and accessories. Clearly proving it is not what you wear but how you carry what you wear, Leila Amar, 25, a PR director, pulled off a stunning victory defeating 22 of the 23 finalists to walk away with the runner-up prize. “I am wearing a bath sponge for headdress which cost me a meager Dh5, a three year old black dress from Debenhams and orange Aldo high-heel shoes. I think may be it was my boyfriend’s prayers that did the trick for me,” she said. Leila won $4000 in shopping vouchers which she plans to spend on an Armani suit for her boyfriend and a couple of Luis Vuitton bags and a Chanel dress for herself.
* Watch the videoBut the lady who outstyled all 23 finalists, whittled down from a list of 200 participants, was Milena Diaz, 26, who charmed the judges with her simple but classic black and while theme. A flight attendant, Milena wore a Betsy Johnson from New York, shoes from Singapore, and a hat that she borrowed from a friend the night before the big day. “I wanted to make a statement so I kept my look black and white. Keeping it classic and simple did it for me.” Milena won $7000 in shopping vouchers, two airline tickets to Thailand where she can enjoy a free five-day stay at Shiva Som resort. She will travel with her boyfriend. An improvement on last year’s Style Stakes, this year the Style Arena, venue for the best dressed lady, best dressed couple and best hat fashion contests, was strategically located trackside, allowing contestants and race goers easy and quick access to both races and style stakes making sure they can enjoy one without missing the other. The show was hosted, eighth year in a row, by noted radio presenter Nannette Midwood, who likened the event to the Ascot and Melbourne Cup and said she had “watched the event grow from a very small fashion event to the biggest style event at any racing calendar in the world”. The contest was judged by four judges who looked for quirky, original racing attire.
“The contestants are judged on deportment, accessories, outfit, overall image, hats and smiles,” said Nannette who herself looked stunning in a light and summery hat and an animal print Roberto Cavalli. She observed that this year’s style stakes drew a lot of male interest resulting in the participation of 80 couples to stake their claim at the Best Dressed Couple award. The $5000 award went to Australians David Dodd, 30, and his partner Celena Pelly, 28, both flight attendants. “I am wearing a hat and a dress from Brisbane, Australia, and I bought my shoes at Paris Gallery, said Celena. David confessed “it was Celena who bagged the award.” “I was just a handbag, just an accessory,” he added. To cap it all there was the milliner’s award, Best Hat, won by Abi Ferreira, 36, an interior designer, who wore a Kim Fletcher hat which she bought for Dh1000. Abi won $4000 in shopping vouchers and plans to buy a nice handbag with it.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Against Having mother's day

yes i am totally against having mother's day. it has nothing to do with my love to my mom who i adore ( hamdullilah she is still alive), but it has to do with the feeling of orphans.

When i think how many kids will be in depression and tears during this period, when they are surrounded everywhere with " I LOVE YOU MOM", it just kind of kill me. I am super sensitive on this issue.

the sadness of an orphan is as important as the happiness of my child.

After all, it is just a commercial occasion.
Also, dont you think that everyday should be a mother's day????

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Not jealousy... only sadness on myself

I got to know yesterday 2 news, which kind of depressed me.
the first: my friend is pregnant. i am so happy for her, but i felt sad that i am not. and it is me who is killing herself to get the second baby and finish from this duty. i told my husband again, and inshallah, " yes of course we want asap". but a baby doesnt come alone!!!

the second was even more depressing, one of the girls i used to work with took my place in my previous job, although, and beleive me i am not lying, she is not qualified for this role. this really annoyed me. It is almost 10 months that i left my job to be with my baby and at home. my job that i liked, that made my name......

It is not jealousy, but it is sadness on my situation.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

shall we say mabrouk??? women driving in saudi, irrespective of the terms

قال مصدر في مجلس الشورى السعودي إنه تم رفع توصية للجهات العليا بالسماح بقيادة المرأة للسيارة وفقا لضوابط أقرها المجلس بعد
دراسة مستفيضة.وأضاف المصدر لـ"العربية نت" طالبا عدم ذكر اسمه، إن هذه الضوابط تنص على ألا يقل عمر المرأة عن 30 سنة وموافقة ولي أمرها على قيادتها للسيارة، والحصول على رخصة قيادة من مركز تعليم القيادة النسانية، وأن تكون السائقة محتشمه فى ملابسها ولا تضع أي مواد للزينة، وأن يسمح لها بالقيادة بمفردها داخل المدن، أما خارجها فتكون بمرافقة محرم.ونصت أيضا على تحديد أوقات القيادة من الساعة السابعة صباحا وحتى الثامنه ليلا من السبت حتى الأربعاء، وأما يوما الخميس والجمعة فمن الساعة الثانية عشرة بعد الظهر الى الساعة الثامنه مساء.

وتابع المصدر بأن من الضوابط أن تحمل المرأة معها جهاز الهاتف الجوال للاستعانة به عند تعرضها لحالات طارئة، والاتصال بمركز المرور النسائي فى أي حالة تعديات، ودفع مبالغ معينة عند اصدار الرخصة من هيئة المرور النسائي تخصص لتصليح الاعطال قد تتعرض لها سيارتها أثناء القيادة.وأوصى مجلس الشورى السعودى بتأسيس قسم مرور نسائي مختص يتلقى البلاغات، ورقم هاتف مجانى للاتصال به عند الطوارئ، ووضع مراكز داخل المدن للمرور النسائي باشراف جهات دينية.وطالبت دراسة مجلس الشورى معاقبة من يتحدث إلى سائقة من سيارات أخرى أو من العابرين بالسجن لشهر واحد ودفع مبلغ مالى، ومعاقبة من يثبت تحرشه بها بالسجن 8 أشهر وغرامة مالية، وتعاقب سائقة السيارة المخالفة للأنظمة بسحب الرخصة فقط.وأوضح مصدر فى الإدارة العامة للمرور لـ"العربية نت" أنه لم يصدر حتى الآن أى توجيه من قبل مجلس الشورى فيما يخص تشكيل مرور نسائي.

43 ألف امرأة
وكان عضو مجلس الشورى د.محمد آل زلفة قد تبنى فكرة السماح بقيادة المرأة للسيارة، وتم تحويل الموضوع للنقاش داخل المجلس، والذي انتهى بإصدار هذا النظام ورفعه لمجلس الوزراء السعودي لدراسته واصدار قرار بشأنه.وسبق ذلك قيام عدد من النساء برفع عريضة إلى خادم الحرمين الشريفين قبل عدة شهور تطالب برفع الحظر عن قيادة المرأة للسيارة.وقال د. مفلح القحطاني نائب رئيس الجمعية الوطنية لحقوق الانسان بالسعودية لـ"العربية.نت" "الجمعية الوطنية لحقوق الانسان فى السعودية عريضة موقعة من قبل 102 من المواطنات والمواطنين السعوديين تنص على الطلب نفسه". ووفق إحصائية حديثه حصلت عليها "العربية.نت" فإن 98 ألف سيارة في السعودية مسجلة باسماء 43 ألف سيدة سعودية، مشيرة إلى أن أول سيارة امتلكتها سيدة كانت في عام 1981 .وأظهرت الإحصائية أن نساء البادية فى الأراضى السعودية يمارسن قيادة السيارة بحكم الضرورة، وأكثر من 350 موظفة سعودية يقدن السيارات في امارة دبي.وكانت الجهات الأمنية فى المنطقة الشرقية من السعودية ألقت القبض على الناشطة السعودية وجيهة الحويدر أثناء قيادتها سيارتها فى ميدان عام، كما تم ضبط نساء أخريات يقدن سيارات في بعض المدن السعودية.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

living with walls

sometimes, i wish i live with walls, alone with my daughter. at least the walls do not have commands , and i will know that i am not expecting any expressions.

what will happen if u help me in removing some of the food from the dining table, while i am giving my daughter a bath and put her to sleep. is it a shame?
how can i cope with all what i need to do and still be alive at the end of the day?

u didnt tell me that u have invited ur beloved brothers to dinner, and though, although i am dead from this jet lag and ur daughter's requirements all the day, i have prepared stuff quickly, then ran to gave her the bath and feed her. i was dizzy for not sleeping well, and i slipped in the bath. when i called u, u asked if anything happened to her. i told u it is me who slipped, u started laughing!!! and finally, when everything is over and time to remove the stuff from the dining table, i found you sleeping. without telling me good night.

WHats wrong? everything was ok during the day.

isnt it fair to wish living with the walls?

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

29 years

last week, it was my birthday and it is my last year in the 20's. I didnt have any cake, or any celebration. we are on vacation, the vacation is celebration.. that's what my husband told me. but i had a weird feeling. I am growing up, my responsibilities are growing... It is a new phase in my life, actually it started when i had my baby... a total life makeover...

Happy birthday to me.
I will promise myself that i will do something for me, most probably arts related. I should start

Monday, February 18, 2008

why do westerns say hi to each other, we dont

I am writing now from the USA. I came few days ago to celebrate the graduation and marriage of my brother in law.
I was walking early morning , trying to enjoy the good weather and noticed that everyone, young and old people, females and males.... say hi to each other, even if they dont know the other person.
It s great. i like it. and started thinking why we dont do the same... Our culture is more family and society oriented than their culture. Our religion asks us to do so... why i dont know who is my neighbour? why if i say good morning when i am in the lift, no one replies to me?

small gesture, but it means a lot...
worth give it a thought.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

a typical day in my life

This is a typical day in my life. Believe me, i am not exaggerating:
waking up at 7 with my daughter.
time to feed, change her diaper and clothing. all this, when she wants to play and she fights with me.
8:00 take her to nursery. drive 20 min to arrive, then come back.
the plan is to go directly to the sport class, but never on time, so skip it.
come back home, prepare his sandwish, and then he wakes up , and goes.
I go to my meetings and work ( I am working on my own projects when she is in nursery).
run, run , run to finish before she comes back. 1:30 pick her and come home.
Home is a mess: need to clean, make it proper ( proper with her is not a correct word).
she's getting bored: time to take her out to play area,
OH, it is 5 already. i need to cook, and try my best to make home a bit acceptable before he comes back.
6:30- 7 : he's back: serve the dinner for him and her. Oh I just realized that i didnt have a proper lunch. time to eat. prepare her shower , play with her in water, change her clothing ( another fight), and time to sleep at 8.
Waw. she slept, but i need to remove the mess again, ironing, serving tea and fruits ....
it is already 12. midnight, i am exhausted. let me sleep.

Sunday, February 10, 2008


I am finding it hard to stop breastfeeding . she is now 1year and half and still breastfeeding her. No Formula at all. I am happy with it. it gives me personal satisfaction , I am trying to give her the best. and I am still productive
but the idea that one day i have to stop and she will no more be dependant on my body is still far to be accepted to me.

Friday, February 8, 2008

after sunset, i wanted to walk in this nice spot of dubai, where lots of kids play and plenty of well organized artificial greenery.
After playing with my daughter on the grass, i lie down and started contemplating the stars and moon, although it was still not fully dark.
Waw. I miss this feeling. I have been transferred in seconds to another life, more innocent, more free time, more natural, more "village" style. Sub7han Allah for its creatures.

It was so relaxing. I forget the problems of the day.
I want to promise myself to repeat it . for myself. 5 min every few days and all start blank :)

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

You are her dad, so please share responsibilities

So what will happen if you take her to the nursery every morning? or let's say once a week?
it is on your way to the office, and you can take her a bit late, so it will match exactly your timing.
You know that she will not cry, she will enjoy it...
Why I have to take her everyday and then come back home?
Is it a shame to do that?

and No, you are not the only one who does so. If you go there, you will notice that a lot of dads drop their children.

Give me just one valid excuse.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

WHat a mom will say during a day, in less than 3 min

It is so funny, and so true.
I am experiencing only very few, since she is still a toddler.
Must see clip

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

intimate relation

I am sure it is not normal. he is not approaching me at all. it has been more than 7-8 months when we last slept together. and at that time, it was after many months as well. i know that my body is not anymore the same, as i havent lost few more kilos left. but still, can this be normal.?
i tried to understand many times the reason for this, and i sometimes initiated the action myself, but there is always a rejection from his side.
i am sure he is not dating another woman.. he cannot be. he spends his time at office and home... but why is this>?
it has never been a priority for e at any point, but i still would like to feel that he desires me, i want to feel the woman inside me... i lost it

Friday, January 25, 2008

She is driving me crazy

She is driving me crazy, but she is also amazing. you have been travelling for 2 weeks now and she has been with me all the time, except when she goes these 3 days part time to the nursery. She wants the TV on, she doesnt want to eat the food, except chocolate, she doesnt want to stay in one place, she doesnt want to change her diapers, she wants to throw water on the floor....
Ok, it is" her age" and she needs to explore, but i cant make it ... i cant keep the home tidy and proper at all.....
and after all, you come and start saying that the home is not proper and that you thought that i am a better housewife.
I am sorry, would you like to try staying with her half a day only and tell me your reaction after that?

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Identity crisis!!!

I am reading about the war that women live in once they get babies and still dream of an excellent career. which is my case. and i found out, which is true, that we live identity crisis: our nature and mind tells us to care about our jewels, but the pressure of the society and the competition is asking us to be active. this is resulting in identity crisis.
have you faced the same?

Friday, January 11, 2008

Wake Up Arabs

What else do you want to happen so that you wake up and realize the tragedy you are living in? you didnt hear Bush saying yesterday that no return to Palestinian refugees to their stolen lands? what did you do since then? did you talk about it? did you move and banned his visit to your countries? did you shout loudly that this is unfair?

all what i can see is that you are in very deep sleep, not aware of anything.
let me clarify that i am not talking about the " leaders", because these have sold their lands and souls and people to Israel and America and whomever is against the justice.
I am talking about you, the arab people.

Move, move, move.... isnt it time for the revolution???

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

professional at home; some respect pls

What do you do? I am staying at home, full time mom. I can see the same reaction in every one's eyes. mmm lucky you. you should be having plenty of time. and that's it. conversation ends in general at this point, or if lucky, few more questions about the baby and they will get back to dubai's everyday discussions: business.
excuse me: a full time mom is not what you think. we are doing the most difficult job in the world, 24/7, no mercy, no rest. even if the baby goes to sleep, we will have to clean the mess she created and get a quick bite before she wakes up. My home is a mess, i don't have time. I have grew 10 years older in the past one year. it is so hectic. it is not what you think. yes it is rewarding from our angels, our sons and daughters.
but can we have some respect from you as well?

We have been working, and we know what to do other than changing diapers and feeding babies, but we have chosen to be next to our babies, because they need us now.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

New year resolution

Happy new year. i cant believe how time is flying.
one of my resolutions for this year is to write, about everything. i deleted all the previous blogs i had, because they were on and off. but now, this one will be ongoing. I will write because i want to find myself. I am totally lost and i have many ideas of what to do, how to define myself and many more. this blog will be my history. i want to look at myself in the future and see how i used to think, and how am i evolving, what changed in me.

Being very ambitious and clever, then faced the fact of the amazing motherhood, but the impossibility of balancing work and family, if you are an employee. I managed to do that for some time, but when my daughter grew to a toddler, it became impossible. every moment in her life is precious. so i gained her by being next to her, but i lost myself and my husband....