Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Dealing with In Laws

the never ending debate: how can someone deal with in laws, without problems, without hassle. I have never faced the issue in my 7 yr of marriage, until very recently, when i came to stay with them for 2 months in beirut, with my daughter.
All the problems started with my daughter. I am a very " by the book" oriented mom, but i understood that some rules have to be broken when in laws are there. no more sleep at 8, but rather 9:30 , 10 p.m. and definitely it is me who has to suffer and run after her and they are watching.
last week, my mother in law wanted to give my daughter a chocolate at 10 p.m. ( giving her more energy ). when i asked her not to give it to her, she insisted. Of course my daughter started crying bc she saw the chocolate and she wanted it. i told her 3 times not to give it to her, then she said with a " high tone": I am gonna give it to her.
I said " this is my daughter and it is my right to decide what to do with her".

Ooooooooopssssssss. what a mistake. " ok i am not gonna touch her after this, i dont want to know her, Cursing my husband bc he is keeping me , and so on and on and on".

Do i have to shut my mouth after hearing all this?
My husband, who is abroad, insisted that i have to apologize, bc she is elder and i have to understand.

Is it fair?

5 comments:

American Muslima Writer said...

OHHH I feel your pain sister.
I'm by the book mostly too and my mother in law had to learn to respect my differences. Sure I had to suck it up and appologise but usuall things worked out. Be sure that she will never apologise to you it's just not done that way in Lebanon.
You will have to be tricky in learning how to order your MIL to doing waht you want.
"Ohh the poor baby, eating chocolate at 10PM HARAAAM she'll be up all nigth sick... DO you want to watch her all night so i can sleep peacefully? SHe will say no and probably not give her a choclate at bedtime after this. Or let her give daughter chocolate and be sure daughter can Jump on her all night long ok. that will teach her a lesson she wont forget.
I had to do this for my daughter too fora whol miserable year and then some.
sigh diplomacy gos a looong way..i wish you well.

nursheikha said...

The previous comment is a good one. I love it! Even though I'm not married to a Lebanese but Egyptian and don't have any kids yet, I still know what you're going through -because I'm neighbours with my in-laws!

Life of Arab Woman said...

Nursheikha, it doesnt matter which nationality and which age and ... Dealing with in laws problems seems to be a fact of life. Thx God i live away from them. Allah Y3inik

moni zakkour said...

My mother in law is bossy everything, I live in Saida, ohhh, many deep breath have i took, but i stop her, he is my son, thanks for your advice, leave do my job like a mother, is my only child, if i need help, i will call you. Stop in polite way, diplomacy, but no silence.

moni zakkour said...

My mother in law is bossy everything, I live in Saida, ohhh, many deep breath have i took, but i stop her, he is my son, thanks for your advice, leave do my job like a mother, is my only child, if i need help, i will call you. Stop in polite way, diplomacy, but no silence.